All the male figures I have encountered in my short career, good and bad ones, in some ways have helped me become the person I am.
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Mom! I'm a good man, Mom! - said Zayn.
I started my culinary journey in 2013. At that time, I was a full-time assistant manager at a jewelry store. I was going to school full time to earn my degree in culinary arts and also had a small job on the side as a prep cook at a country club. Needless to say, I was at the bottom of the chain at the restaurant. Over my short time at the restaurant, I watched many male and female line cooks who had been there for years worked their butt off, days and nights. The one person who always came later in the day, only worked in the kitchen during rush hours, it was the executive chef. He was big and tall, and always yelled. The busier we were, the louder he yelled, and the more intimidating he became. Everybody was afraid of him and nobody wanted to confront him. I hated the environment I worked in. I had no voice in that kitchen. I left there during the busy time at the jewelry store and never wanted to go back.
My next cooking job was at a corporate environment. I was assigned in a commissary kitchen. The pay was minimal, the hours were odd, and the work load never seemed to get finished. The leaders and managers, which were all male, were much nicer and I definitely learned a great deal from this position. Did I mention that Maya was 11 weeks old when I got this job and I was still breastfeeding? Most days I just rolled with the punches since who was I to say with a brand new degree from culinary school and very little experience. And let’s not mention the struggle of a sleep deprived first time mom...
Three months later, I was moved to a brand new fine dining restaurant. The team was great, work was always fun, the hours were ideal, and it felt like I finally found my niche even though the pay remained the same. Luckily my boss recognized my ability to lead in a kitchen, I soon was given the opportunity to run a casual dinning restaurant. I had plenty of self-doubt prior to taking the position, but facing obstacles and solving problems head on had helped me find my voice as a cook. Though the pay was still far from great, I saw it as my chance to learn and prove myself. Months went by, one thing led to another, I found myself leading the catering department with more responsibilities, yet no pay raise. At this point I was pregnant with Zayn. After coming back from my maternity leave, an unexpected opportunity knocked on my door so I decided to pursue. Until then, just when I put in my resignation letter, my general manager told me he would love to offer me a salary position to keep me. Needless to say, the offer was insulting and I turned it down.
Off to my new endeavor I went and it led to my current job. After a few months as a kitchen supervisor, I was promoted to a sous Chef position. My salary was considered “higher end” by some but I wouldn’t have taken the offer if it had been less. Some may call it the art of negotiation, I call it knowing my self-worth. My new title had its moments of glory but most people had no idea my struggle behind the scene. Being the only female Chef, my petite size didn’t help much, I found myself working twice as hard than any other male chefs just to be recognized as an authority. I had been treated with very little respect, sometimes borderline bullied by some male figures. But none of that could ever stop me because I know I was a force to be reckon with. What I had to offer was way more than the scars on my hands and the bruises on my ego, and the rewards were well worth celebrating.
So here I am, six months into my sous position, I soon will have a female sous chef for my own as I step up to the next level. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t had the chance to learn to climb the ladder, and taste all sweetness as well as bitterness that this industry has to offer. All the male figures I have encountered in my short career, good and bad ones, in some ways have helped me become the person I am. I still have much more to learn and much farther to go but it sure is great to look back and see what I have accomplished.
Well, what is the moral of the story? I wasn’t sharing my story in search for any type of praises or sympathy. I just wanted to show the two sides of a same coin. Yes, gender equality is worth fighting for. Yes, there are plenty of unfairness and bs that a woman has to deal with in a work place. But at the same time, I believe equality starts within us. A woman can only be as equal as she believes she is worth. As we fight for fairness, we need to first discover the power within us. That may mean walking away from a bad offer or stop being taken for granted. Whatever it may be, don’t play the roll of a victim and not taking matters into your own hand. Empower yourself before asking for power. Empower each other instead of competing. Ladies, do you know your worth?
In essence of celebrating International Women’s Day, let’s sing praises to all the wonderful female we have in our lives, and may us all continue to be strong like a woman!
Thảo Chi - Ông Sỹ bà Thảo's granddaughter
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